I drove back from the supermarket this morning feeling unexpectedly emotional. Why I wondered, as I headed home with tears in my eyes. Like everyone I don’t leave the house very often and when I’m at home everything feels pretty normal. I work here most of the time anyway, my husband and son are around more than usual, but we are still all doing our own thing for a lot of the time and when we do things together it’s a welcome bonus. I know how lucky I am, I have other people to talk to, to hug. But there was something about my shopping trip today that really affected me.
The first couple of weeks after lockdown I hated food shopping. The atmosphere felt suspicious, combative, everyone out for themselves. Never have I felt more judged for buying a pack of loo roll. I’m a big fan of disaster movies which means I’ve seen a lot, even the really terrible ones, especially the really terrible ones. I know this is what happens, a disaster looms and people panic buy (never loo roll in the movies though!) The atmosphere is catching, it brings out the worst in too many people. Over the weeks it has gradually got better and today, stepping outside my household bubble, people were polite and smiled at each other in recognition of our circumstances. The atmosphere has swung the other way, now we are all in this together. I felt connected to my fellow shoppers.
I drove home ridiculously grateful for these small connections, the acknowledgement, the wry smiles of ‘I know, how mad is this’, the head nods of ‘no, no, after you’ as two of us head for the toothpaste at the same time. The woman at the till was from Poland. She wants to see her Mum. My mum is only down the road. I want to see my Mum too. I want to hug my friends. Zoom drinks are all well and good, but they don’t really replace touching people.
Touch releases dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, hormones which makes us feel happy and calm. If we can’t touch or be touched at the moment what can we do?
Good food releases some of the same hormones as does exercise, especially if you are able to get outside to do it. Being outside and noticing the nature around us really helps. Touch some leaves or stroke some flowers on your daily walk, hug a tree!
In Braving The Wilderness, Brené Brown talks about our fundamental need to interact in person with our fellow human beings “As members of a social species, we derive strength not from our rugged individualism, but from our collective ability to plan, communicate, and work together.”
So for now do the best you can to communicate on phone calls, FaceTime and Zoom. Treat your tastebuds to some good food, move your body, notice the changing trees and plants outside your door – even the weeds can be beautiful!
Lockdown will end and, in the meantime, plan your first get togethers with your friends or family. Just a cup of tea in the same room. It doesn’t have to be fancy, the chances are we won’t be going far for a long time, but it’s not where you get together it’s how it feels when you get there. That first hug with the people you love. I can’t wait.